“I’m just a regular Joe, with a regular job. I’m your average white, suburbanite slob. I like football and porno and books about war. I got an average house, with a nice hardwood floor.”

I’m a regular guy. Literally – I take my morning shit between 10:30 and 11:00 every morning. And when I undertake said shit, I play tetris on my phone. Every day. My phone’s Tetris has a game called 40 lines, which, not surprisingly, is a race to complete 40 lines. I gradually worked my time from 4:45 to 4:30, and then down to 4:10. But, try as I might, I had been thoroughly stymied by the four minute mark. It was my four minute mile – a feat of human athleticism that must be broken.

Today, I broke down that wall. I smashed it. The new record is now 3:41. That’s right…I knocked a full 29 seconds off the previous record. It was a good day.

In related news, I also fixed the toilet paper in the upstairs bathroom so it would hang from the front of the roll, as it should.

***Update: As of 11:22 this morning (I told you), the new record is 3:30. Today, Tetris. Tomorrow, teleportation.***

****Further update: After finally realizing the best way to play the game, the new record is now 2:09.  Kinda makes me feel like a pansy for thinking 4:00 was some manner of milestone.  I’m sure Russians everywhere are sneering at my limited abilities.****

{lyric – “Asshole” by Denis Leary}

{photo – Rakka}

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