Penis Snatching On The Rise

Well I’ll be damned.  I didn’t think a penis could be thieved – many guys, in fact, can’t give the thing away – but apparently I was wrong.

In the developing (read: backwards as hell) state of Congo, sorcerers are supposedly shrinking or stealing men’s penises.  Yep.  You read that right.

Rumors of penis theft began circulating last week in Kinshasa, Democratic Republic of Congo’s sprawling capital of some 8 million inhabitants. They quickly dominated radio call-in shows, with listeners advised to beware of fellow passengers in communal taxis wearing gold rings.”

Gold rings?  You should probably avoid all of Long Island…

“Purported victims, 14 of whom were also detained by police, claimed that sorcerers simply touched them to make their genitals shrink or disappear, in what some residents said was an attempt to extort cash with the promise of a cure.”

I think I got one or two (million) emails about the cure…

“Police arrested the accused sorcerers and their victims in an effort to avoid the sort of bloodshed seen in Ghana a decade ago, when 12 suspected penis snatchers were beaten to death by angry mobs.”

In related news, thousands of college girls are still unable to locate their snatched dignity, vaginal hygiene, or memory after drinking themselves into blackout oblivion on South Padre island over spring break and waking up with no underwear in the back of a greyhound bus headed to San Antonio.


2 responses to “Penis Snatching On The Rise

  1. Pingback: Congonese condemn penis pilferage « The Sagamore Journal

  2. “hmmm, how can I use snatch and penis right next to each other…”

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