I found this posting on the local craigslist.
In totally unrelated news, I just finished changing out all three toilet seats in my house. I feel like Handy-fuckin-Manny.
Update: Since some dick went and removed the craigslist post, here is the original copy:
3 Toilet Seats – Celebrity Owned – Used – $2650
Very rare opportunity to purchase a piece of history!
I’m selling three used toilet seats from my apartment. All three are white and the necessary mounting screws are included.
The reason you should be interested? I am going to be famous and this is your chance to get in on the ground floor of the very lucrative celebrity collectible industry. I plan on being VERY famous. And I’m not talking about Nicky Hilton famous or the Numa-Numa kid (I don’t remember his name) famous, I’m going to be insanely famous. Olsen Twins famous. Suri Cruise famous. Yeah, super A-List famous.
These toilet seats come with a letter of authenticity, and a fair amount of my DNA is on the underside, so you’ll have an airtight method of validating your claim if you were to resell (which you’d probably not want to do).
The value was determined by comparing similar items on eBay and consulting with my friend Jeff. Considering my singing/acting/dancing/juggling skills, this might be too low of a price! But that’s the kind of guy I am, always looking out for you, the little people. Should a bidding war break out, which is highly probable, you must provide proof of funds or have your parents vouch for you.
Pickup only, please. I would consider meeting you somewhere but my Tercel is in the shop again and Jeff won’t let me borrow his scooter.
Serious inquiries only. My time is obviously worth more than yours.