Craigslist annoyance

My post gets dinged but other crap is still readily available. Case in point:

great script available

“I’m what you might call an up and coming writer. Don’t ask me for great credits because I don’t have any. I’m basically just starting out as a writer and wrote this to tweek out cobwebs in my brain.
Title: “Mystic Revelation”
Logline:
10 year old boy is in a drowning accident and after a miraculous recovery, is able to see events into the future. He’s able to see himself 25 years later in a man who has become a fugitive. The boy stops himself from becoming this person while attaining a dream for his brother, who later becomes a major league baseball star.”

Hmm, let’s have a look at this. You misspelled “tweak”. Believe it or not, spelling does count when writing for a living. You are not up-and-coming until someone knows about you. For now, you’re merely aspiring, along with a hundred thousand other writers.

The log line starts with some promise – a boy being gifted/cursed after an accident is somewhat interesting. It’s got a Shyamalan type feel, and there is a lot you can do with it.

He’s going to be a fugitive? Ehh, we’re now a supernatural idea mixed with some crime. You’re losing my interest.

The boy stops himself from becoming this person. You failed to describe anything interesting about the main struggle of your script! This is it, this is what people are coming to see. That’s like describing the new Indiana Jones movie as “Indy fights bad guys. He wins.” This is your main character’s ultimate objective, the reason I’m still watching after the first act – I want to see him overcome great odds to achieve his goal.

…while attaining a dream for his brother, who later becomes a major league baseball star. What? What the hell just happened here? It’s great to have a subplot, but this is ridiculous. Do we see him become a star in the movie? Or does the boy see this in the future after stopping his brother’s chronic masturbation? Aside from being another departure – we’re looking at a supernatural crime thriller with a touch of baseball movie – it’s just too far-fetched of an idea. At this point I expect the baseball manager to be played by a monkey and/or Matt LeBlanc.

I’m sorry to bash on some guy’s idea, but this isn’t something you take to the public. Get feedback from other writers. Master the basic structure. Write forty script ideas, throw out thirty-five of them. Write five scripts. Get more feedback. It’s a very long road unless you have some very strong personal connections, which I doubt, since it’s being posted on craigslist. Keep writing.

Who the hell am I to make such judgments? My business card says writer/director. I don’t work for hollywood, but I do get paid to write and direct scripts.

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5 responses to “Craigslist annoyance

  1. “At this point I expect the baseball manager to be played by a monkey and/or Matt LeBlanc.”

    that one drew a tear. good stuff.

  2. How the fuck do you tweak cobwebs? In your brain?

  3. And I don’t know how any of you sleep at night after bagging on Matt LeBlanc. He is clearly the most talented member of the Friends cast. Did you not SEE Joey?

  4. So you’re one of the eight people who watched that show. Ahhh, that explains so much.

  5. My card says “Pictures. Video. Stuff” & I wait tables.

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