Welcome to post 216; the management hopes you enjoy the following narratives in a safe and responsible manner.
Last night, I had a lovely Mexican dinner at my favorite Mexican cafe. Since I’m moving this weekend, it could very well be my last visit there for quite a while. The wife had a “spend $30, get $10 off” coupon, not applicable to alcohol. Being an affordable joint, we had to order an appetizer and dessert to hit $30.
Food was great and I brought plenty extra home. Total bill: $36.25. Alcohol portion: $6.95. That left me .70 short. Undeterred, I presented my coupon to the cashier. He scrutinized the coupon while I prepared my argument against denying a repeat customer over 70 cents. He finally looked up:
“I’m sorry, sir, this has expired.”
Crap. He was right. By two days. And he wasn’t budging. After explaining to him that I had printed the expired email coupon by mistake (which was a lie), I offered to get the real one from my house and bring it right back (total bluff). I wanted my $10 off. To my horror, he accepted the offer. I had to go retrieve something that didn’t exist.
I cruised home prepared to break out my photoshop forgery skills, possibly involving the scanner and a high quality print. My nerd ambition wasn’t necessary. The email coupon wasn’t an image…it was text within a border. Meaning that all I had to do was forward it to myself, delete one number and add another, and print another copy. I was almost disappointed by how easy it was.
I’m loving the self-titled debut album of Vampire Weekend. Very catchy blend of smart pop and chamber music. Strings, keys, and other fun diversions. “Oxford Comma”, “Cape Cod Kwassa Kwassa”, and “M79” are definitely my favorites so far. Yes, I just used an Oxford comma. Extra credit for you.
I hate when someone calls me by mistake, then demands to know who I am:
Who is this?
I think you have the wrong number.
Who is this?
Who are you trying to reach?
Tell me who this is.
You dialed the wrong number. I don’t know you.
Are you messing with me?
You have the wrong number.
What is the problem here? Do you think I’ve mugged your friend Craig* and absconded with his phone?
I found this in my parking space** this morning. I think someone is threatening me.
*Craig is in the trunk of my car.
**Yes, I have my own parking space. Yes, I’m that cool.