“I’ve been robbed and ridiculed in day care centers and night schools.”

In my previous post, I mentioned playing ping pong with an old friend from childhood. Chris. Now I simply must take the time to explain how this good friend betrayed me. And how I will never forgive him.

In 9th grade a new girl moved to town. Kristen. Let’s just say she was good looking…which would motivate me to ride my bike a few miles over to her neighborhood to hang out with her.

One afternoon, after hanging out with her, Chris and a few others, Kristen’s father came outside and demanded she come in the house for dinner. I picked up my bike and prepared to leave. She looked right in my eyes and told me to call her later. Mere milliseconds after that, her tongue was in my mouth. I would rank it as possibly my first real kiss. I loved it…because I was 14 years old and horny as hell. Her father, who was standing a very short distance away, was not so thrilled.

I rode home with a very big smile on my face.

After another phone conversation later that night, I was determined to see her again as soon as humanly possible. She suggested we sneak out sometime after midnight. Yes. I would gladly do that.

I successfully snuck out of the house and rode my bike through the chilly night. The actual meeting was something of a letdown, as I remember only getting to kiss her briefly. I eventually went home and made it back into my bedroom by using the fence to get on the roof of the garage and climb back through my window. I thought it had been a successful mission.

Somehow, I got caught. One of the very few times my parents caught me doing anything*. Don’t get me wrong, I did quite a lot of illicit things…but this was one of the only times they got me for it.

The resulting punishment was a week of grounding. Total bullshit. This, however, is where Chris rejoins the story.

He had seen Kristen’s ambitious tongue move on me. He knew she was a ball of hormones. You see where this is going. While I was on house arrest, he took the opportunity to hang out with her pretty much every day. And, sure enough, this led to things. Nothing terrible, we were good kids, but there was still something I don’t feel comfortable relating in mixed company. Something that should have involved me and the girl I liked.

He claims that she sat on his lap and initiated the encounter. While I do know she was horny, as evidenced by her move on me, I’m still not ready to forgive him. He should have shown the moral fortitude to say, “No, I will not stick my hand down your pants and touch the vagina that my good friend Michael was hoping to be familiar with at some point during the next few weeks of juvenile dating.” That’s what he should have said.

*After I turned 16, they would simply ask what time I had come in the night before. I would adjust my answer by anywhere from 2 to 6 hours and they never questioned me. Trust is a good thing.

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8 responses to ““I’ve been robbed and ridiculed in day care centers and night schools.”

  1. maybe there is a market in the greeting card industry for that sort of apology…what was that horrible cartoon again, Cathy?

    “I am sorry I got drunk and happened to fall on the penis attached to your boyfriend. Oops!”

    It would be a nice gesture.

  2. I’ve had enough “nice” gestures. I demand satisfaction.

  3. It’s funny how those first encounters linger in our minds for long.

    I surprised that you’re still friends with Chris. He would’ve been on my “to hit” list.

  4. This story bothers me for many reasons.

    1. I know the people of whom you are writing and to know they are familiar with each other’s genitals is mind boggling.

    2. I have two sons and this just confirms the fact that one day they will want to touch some teenage girl vaginas.

    3. I am presently expecting my 1st daughter and I really am not looking forward to the day that she is the cause of a teenage boy boner.

    Thanks for the laugh though!

  5. Razz – I didn’t find out what had happened for over a year, at which point I had become enamored of some other high school vixen.

    Shan – 1) There were many Christophers in our class. Hans, Howard, Parezo, Post, just to name a few. Think carefully. 2) Yes. 3) Yes.

  6. Wife in a Rowboat

    This is quite funny. I’m amazed you never told me this story!

  7. This was a repressed memory, unlocked only by a viciously competitive ping pong match.

  8. Oh, c’mon Brooks… You’d think the jealousy would fade after a few olympiads. You can’t blame a 15-year-old guy for being susceptible to a hot girl’s unexpected sexual advances.

    We were scientists going about our daily business, researching the element Wm. You just happened to be out of the lab at the time of a breakthrough. If I’d been grounded and you’d come to lab that day, the discovery would have been yours.

    You know, the more I think about it, the more I feel like you and I had very little to do with it. It was the young lady in question doing her own research on man that brought about the situation. It was masterful – I never saw it coming.

    I was invited over to hang out with her, with her parents there, in the middle of the day. It was a hot, boring summer afternoon, and she had a pool and a hot sister – why would I not go? The three of us were hanging out when all of a sudden her sister left the room and shut the door firmly behind her. Before the thought “we’re alone” crossed my mind, there was a hot girl on my lap and I didn’t have an unoccupied airway available for the breath required to register an objection.

    Though even if I did have my mouth to myself for time enough to say something, it would have been something like “lock the door!”

    If you were dating, or seeing, or doing anything with her that would have warranted a label, I may have contemplated the extraordinary effort required to take leave of the situation. If memory serves though, your romantic relationship with her consisted of about ten seconds of sloppy face-sucking. Not exactly a wedding ring. I did for a brief moment afterward feel quite bad, but I realized that feeling bad about my own good fortune was ridiculous. It was one of the highlights of my year. It made me forget all about the virgin mary that had just dumped me and all the things her Catholicism prohibited us from doing.

    Find me a story about a horny 15-year-old guy that resisted a hot chick’s advances and I’ll reconsider feeling guilty.

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